Anaaya Alam
One of the most troubling trials we face in this dunya is transgression from others. There’s a vast range of agonizing events we experience at the hands of people who we do and don’t know. Bonds broken by slashes of backbiting and lies leave us suffering in the wake of another’s actions. The disruption this causes to our peace is entirely mind-consuming and we don’t recognize it silently becoming a grudge until our mind bitters at the thought of the person who wronged us. Anger blossoms and we equate animosity towards them as a form of vanquishment. The last thing on our minds is forgiveness. Why should we? To even consider letting go of the situation and simply move on seems pointless when we compare it to the weight of the circumstance. The last thing we expect is for a grudge to be disastrous to ourselves and our faith.
What happens when we hold a grudge? From a psychological standpoint, not forgiving someone will hurt you far more than the other person. Psychotherapist Angela Buttimer describes holding grudges as giving us a sense of control over a situation completely out of our hands. By not moving past the situation, we disengage our parasympathetic nervous system. In extreme situations this may even weaken your immune system due to an exaggerated toll on it. The strain can also increase stress and worsen pre-existing conditions of depression and anxiety.
Focusing on the situation excessively may also lead to rumination: the cycle of dwelling on negative thoughts. Hyperfocusing on negative emotions persistently instead of finding a solution to alleviate your mood is characterized as ruminative coping and is implemented in response to stress-inducing events. This may interrupt your day-to-day life because you’re fixated on the past and blind to all the current blessings occurring. Understanding that being unwilling to forgive is injurious to both our mental and physical health is the first step towards becoming more merciful.
Our deen is also at risk when we don’t show forgiveness. Qalbin Saleem – translating to ‘pure heart’- is often misconceived as someone free of sin, but is more accurately a heart that is free of envy, hatred, and arrogance amongst other things. As muslims we should strive to attain Qalbin Saleem. One of the most powerful ways we can work towards a Qalbin Saleem is by forgiving others, especially our brothers and sisters in Islam. An example of this was demonstrated when the Prophet ﷺ was sitting with the Sahabah at the masjid when he looked towards the entrance and said, “A man of Paradise is coming.”
An ordinary looking man walked in, which caused one of the Sahabi to become curious about why this man specifically was a man of Jannah. This Sahabi followed the man to his house and told the man that he was a traveler, to which the man invited the Sahabi to stay at his home as a guest. The Sahabi observed the man for three days but didn’t notice anything unique in the man’s actions. Puzzled, he revealed to the man what the Prophet ﷺ said about him. The man paused for a while before speaking and then told the Sahabi, “Before going to sleep every night I forgive everyone and sleep with a clean heart” (Kitab al-Zuhd by Ibn al-Mubarak – Number 694). By implementing this practice in our daily lives, we too can achieve Qalbin Saleem and be of the people of paradise, InshaAllah.
In another narration, the Prophet ﷺ said, “You will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I guide to that which would make you love one another? Spread greetings (Salaam) abundantly amongst yourselves” (Hisn al-Muslim 224). The Prophet ﷺ emphasized the importance of good nature towards one another for someone who wants to attain Jannah. The Prophet ﷺ also said, “Do not harbor grudges against one another, nor jealousy, nor enmity; and do not show your backs to one another; and become as fellow brothers and slaves of Allah. It is not lawful for a Muslim to avoid speaking with his brother beyond three days” (Riyad as-Salihin 1567). It’s explicitly forbidden to avoid speaking to someone for longer than 3 days. How tragic would it be if unresolved grudges delayed Allah’s forgiveness or deprived us of immense reward on the Day of Judgement. The worst of crimes will be insignificant on the Day of Judgement when everyone is worried about where they’ll end up. Don’t fall into the trap of hatred and antipathy as it will surely cause more harm than good. Nothing is more important than pleasing Allah سبحانه وتعالى and striving for Paradise. Allah سبحانه وتعالى says in the Quran
“The recompense for an evil is an evil like thereof; but whoever forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is with Allah. Verily, He likes not the oppressors” [42:40].
While forgiving someone who has wronged you is recognizably difficult, the reward you will receive in the hereafter will exceed any struggle you faced at the hands of another person.
Forgiving others is also from the sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. This is especially noticeable when the Prophet ﷺ visited the city of Ta’if to preach the message of Islam but was rejected by its leaders, who instead recruited groups of townspeople to harm him. They shouted vile things at the Prophet ﷺ and even threw stones at him, to the point of injury. Despite all this, the Prophet ﷺ spoke these words:
“O Allah Almighty, to You I complain of my weakness, lack of resources and humiliation before these people. You are the Most Merciful, the Lord of the weak and my Master. To whom will You consign me? To one estranged, bearing ill will, or an enemy given power over me? If You do not assign me any worth, I care not, for Your favor is abundant upon me. I seek refuge in the light of Your countenance by which all darkness is dispelled and every affair of this world and the next is set right, lest Thy anger should descend upon me or Your displeasure light upon me. I need only Your pleasure and satisfaction for only You enable me to do good and evade the evil. There is no power and no might but You.”
Allah سبحانه وتعالى responded by sending an angel to destruct the city of Ta’if, however the Prophet ﷺ showed mercy to his oppressors by replying with:
“No! For, I hope that God will bring forth from their loins people who will worship God alone, associating nothing with Him” (Saheeh Muslim).
The best of Muslims are those who follow in the Prophet ﷺ footsteps and embody his Sunnah. By putting mercy into the world, you resemble the character of the Prophet ﷺ and open doors for Allah to shower His mercy upon you. We seek forgiveness from Allah everyday for sins that directly transgress His word. However, we hold the belief that Allah’s mercy has no end. In Surah Luqman Allah سبحانه وتعالى declares
“O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful” (39:53).
Seeking forgiveness from Allah is amongst the most powerful ways to invite His mercy into our lives. The Prophet ﷺ was reported saying,
“Show mercy and you will be shown mercy. Forgive and Allah will forgive you. Woe to the vessels that catch words (i.e. the ears). Woe to those who persist and consciously continue in what they are doing” (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 380).
The act of forgiveness is easier said than done. You may convince yourself you’ve forgiven someone and moved on, but in the back of your mind the situation persistently replays. The simplest way to ease into forgiving someone is to recognize that you’re offering lenience by empathizing with them while at the same time being compassionate with yourself. Understanding the consequences of harboring ill feelings that may negatively impact you is crucial to achieving a more forgiving lifestyle. A misconception about forgiveness is that it requires you to reconcile with your transgressor and forget what they’ve done to you. This approach may be optimal for some, but if you know that your mental or physical well-being will be impacted by maintaining the relationship, then it would be better to release any grudges and move on. As difficult as it may be, remember that you’re doing what’s best for you and following the sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. May Allah سبحانه وتعالى be pleased with all of our actions that are done for the sake of Him.
Citations
Piedmont Healthcare. “What Does Holding a Grudge Do to Your Health?” Piedmont Healthcare, n.d. Accessed January 25, 2026. https://www.piedmont.org/blog/what-does-holding-a-grudge-do-to-your-health.
Kim, Jichan J., Erika S. Payne, and Eunjin Lee Tracy. “Indirect Effects of Forgiveness on Psychological Health Through Anger and Hope: A Parallel Mediation Analysis.” Journal of Religion and Health 61, no. 5 (2022): 3729–3746. Published online April 21, 2023. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10120569/.
Amirebrahimi, Maryam. “Qalbin Salim: Do You Have a Pure Heart?” AlJumuah.com, n.d. Accessed January 25, 2026. https://www.aljumuah.com/qalbin-salim-do-you-have-a-pure-heart/.
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